The woodland wars!

So the gauntlet had been set down, the teams (or team!) had been chosen & things were obviously gonna get worse before they got better!

Over the next few weeks things seemed to die down, relative to what had gone before! Strange small encounters seemed to pop up sandwiched between days of calm & tranquility. Attacks were limited to small woodland creatures on single, suicide missions! Squirrels, rabbits, birds etc would all try their luck hoping to catch me off guard, but I was very aware of their tactics now & so was able to predict when something maybe lurking around a corner or in a bush! Was the tide turning in my favour.....or were they lulling me into a false sense of security? What ever was going on, I was enjoying the quiet daily trips in the sunshine!

Then one day, when I was just starting to allow myself to believe that my nightmare was over, something happened that made me wonder once more. Now, if this encounter had happened without the history that has proceeded it, I would have taken it as a coincidence. Even with all the history I still think that I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, however, sometimes these things happen for a reason & this may have been one of those times! As some of you may know I pride myself in my "I don't care what anyone thinks!" dress sense but when I bought my dream machine I felt that I owed it to the scooter to dress appropriately, this included a brand new unusual helmet! The choice of helmets was extensive, there were plain colours, loud colours, patterns, full faced, 'bucket head', retro style, all of them available in varying styles shapes & sizes! I spent days researching what make & style was gonna be best for me! Finally I chose the helmet for me, it was an open faced retro style helmet in beige & brown leather with tinted visor. It was unusual,.....it was me!!! It was this piece of clothing that was almost my downfall!

It had been sunny all day & this sunniness continued through into the early evening. With the sunny weather, (as rarely happens in England), came heat, it was shorts & T-shirt weather! As such I had decided to forgo the protective gear (bar the helmet....obviously) & allowed the wind to rush past my bare legs & arms. I was in a good mood & due to this I did something which I have never (& will never again) do, I used my iPod to blast some uplifting tunes for my journey home. A quick safety note, please under NO circumstances do as I have done, it is not only illegal but highly dangerous & I am not proud of my actions! With some tacky eighties tunes pumping in my ear, the wind rushing past me, I was in a very good mood & singing like I was at a karaoke bar! I was making good process & had just got to the top of the hill when suddenly I was aware of a small projectile heading towards me at speed. Before I knew what was happening the projectile was entering my mouth mid-song & starting to lodge itself firmly in the back of my throat! Now....if any of you have ever swallowed a fly or bug of some sort you will understand the fright & pain that I was feeling at that second, the fact that I was travelling at 40mph at the time went completely out of my mind. I was slightly preoccupied with the fundamentals of living ie breathing!

So, I was hurtling along gasping for air not paying attention to the road with my life flashing before my eyes! Suddenly my basic reflexes kicked in & I took a big swallow! I managed to dislodge the bug, but this did mean that I had to swallow it! Once the deed had been done I could breath again & my mind started to clear enough for me to realise I was once again gonna be experiencing the trials & tribulations of 'off roading' my my road scooter, this time however there were no trees to break my fall but plenty of dense scrub which was looking sharper & sharper as it got closer & closer! I applied the breaks in a feeble attempt to slow down & turned the wheel, trying to avoid the spiky bushes ahead. This worked,....sort of as I managed to reduce the number of bushes I had to go through to one......one large one that is!! Bits of branch & leaves were breaking off & attaching themselves to the bike, but I was ok & back on the road!

I headed for home, understandably dazed & with a horrible sickly feeling in my stomach! That night, when I was feeling a little better & was out with friends I consumed plenty of alcohol (to sanitise my insides obviously). I stumbled home from my sanitising session & as I walked through the gate I noticed that the branches were still attached to my bike. Suddenly it hit me, like a light being shone down on me, camouflage.......maybe this will give me an advantage in my on going battle with the ninja squirrels of Richmond Park!