The story so far!

So, for those of you who do not know me or have not heard my rantings before, a brief run down of the plight I have been facing daily for months now!

It all started, as most things do, suddenly & without warning on a quiet day in May. It was my 30th birthday & I woke up to a normal, sunny (I know its hard to believe but we did have some sun this summer!) day! Little did I know that the events of that day were to change my life in ways which could only have been thought of in those James Bond novels or in the minds of those people that thought up characters like, The X-Men, Fantastic 4, Danger Mouse or Batfink!

I was slightly apprehensive of the day as, like most people, I was suffering from the stigma that 30 brings with it! I had taken the day off so as not to leave myself in the firing line at work & so surfaced a little later than usual. Now for those of you who know me you'll know that I enjoy my job for many reasons, of which the pay is most definitely NOT one of them, and like many men of my age I was going through what can only be described as an 'early mid-life' crisis! Now usually when this happens the man in question will invariably go out, buy an expensive sports car, meet a girl half his age & make a complete fool of himself! This is exactly what I felt like doing but, (as my bank balance is considerably smaller than I would like) my 'extravagance' was to go out & get myself what I have always wanted,....... a Vespa scooter to run around on!

The scooter in question was modest,....it was bright red in colour & sounded like an over sized hairdryer! But it was mine & made me feel younger than my years, & so the desired effect was obtained (at a fraction of the cost might I add!). The purchase of the mean machine would signal the end to my daily routine of getting up at 5.45am to catch the 6am train, dragging my sorry half asleep frame from train to tube to 2nd tube. No more fighting for a seat on an overcrowded 'cattle transport' trying not to inhale the over powering pong of the business ladies perfume to my right or the unbearable stench of the students bodily odour on my left! No more snotty looks from the 'older' lady that had just got on the tube for not giving up the seat I had waited almost the whole of my journey to obtain! This was gonna be fab!!! Little did I realise!!!!!!!

My journey would take me from my little village just outside London to Hammersmith & work. This would mean that I would have to travel through Richmond Park twice a day & its here where my problems begin!

Now I feel I must add a small note here about my character! I am a happy person, very rarely do I have a problem with anyone or anything that I meet. I work for the NHS with very sick people & so feel that I have a caring nature. I have grown up with many pets, dogs, cats, goldfish,....even a goat & one of my early jobs was working at Chessington Zoo! I urge you to take this into consideration when you read through the rest of my rants as it may not be that obvious that this is the way I am!

It all started one summers evening, there was the smell of a storm in the air but the sun had been out all day & was slowly sinking into the horizon. The atmosphere was 'close' but this I took to be an effect of the impending down pour or the hard day at work which I had just endured! The journey had been uneventful so far, very little traffic, green lights all the way & no hold ups behind the elderly lady that can barely see over the steering wheel. All this was about to change! I was making good progress through the park, (travelling at the speed limit as usual) I had just managed to negotiate getting to the top of the biggest hill in the park & was heading for the downhill section when, & without warning may I add, a squirrel jumped out from its hiding place in the bushes & faced up to me! Now if any of you have ever been on a 50cc scooter you will know that these machines were not built for immense speeds, in fact the top speed (on the flat) is a tentative 40mph!I'm not sure if it was solely this issue or the fact that, when you face death life slows down & you can see things more clearly but I swear that it was as if someone had frozen time! Every thing around me was extra clear & I had time to look around & take in every aspect of the situation. In these few seconds of clarity, when I had looked around me & taken stock of what was going on my eyes were drawn straight ahead of me & the assailant which had put me in this situation. As our eyes connected I must admit that I felt a fear go through me which I have never felt before! This was no ordinary squirrel, there was a fire in its eyes which was not natural! I swerved violently to miss the little bundle of fur before me, my speed was increasing (I was going downhill at the time), the edge of the road was quickly coming up on me & I had no time to take evasive actions.....there was nothing for it, I was gonna have to go 'off road'! The grass was very uneven & there was forest debris every where, "this is gonna hurt" was going through my head (when these life or death situations happen reality gets altered slightly so the speed aspect did go right out of my head) & I was heading straight for a tree!!!!! Luckily for me, a fallen branch slowed me down & the impact was.....well.....pathetic! However, the branch had already done its damage & my tyre was as flat as a pancake! Whilst I was trying to pull myself together I looked back up towards where I had come off the road & there it was, the evil squirrel sitting bolt upright in the middle of the road as if nothing had happened. One vision will stick with me for along time to come, & that was the evil grin on that squirrel's face!! And here is where it all began!!

From here on things get personal! The squirrels had one this battle & I had the feeling many more where to come!